March is Women’s History Month, a time to celebrate the achievements and contributions of women throughout history. As we honor the trailblazing women who have shaped our world, it’s important to pause and consider the intersection of sobriety and women’s autonomy. I planned to explore the historical context, challenges, and empowering stories of women in recovery, highlighting their resilience and strength. I’ll admit that I googled “famous sober women” and was uninspired. I want to tell you about the incredible women I know, who against all odds have found recovery and have worked to see the promises of recovery come true.
I know a woman from the rooms who got divorced and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who busted her ass to finish college and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who walked at graduation (sober) but had 3 incompletes and lied for 18 months until she made them up and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who is a survivor of domestic violence and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who had to file for bankruptcy and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who had her heart broken and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who went to prison while sober and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who took nearly a decade to get through undergrad, over a span of 13 years. She will graduate with a master’s degree in May.
I know a woman from the rooms who, having been married twice previously, is dating someone who aligns with her relationship ideals for the first time ever.
I know a woman from the rooms who, with 6 years of sobriety from drugs and alcohol, voluntarily went to inpatient trauma treatment to get the help she needs.
I know a woman from the rooms who lost custody of her daughter, got sober, got her back, has finished college and a master’s program, and is now the best cheer mom ever.
I know a woman from the rooms with two teenage daughters who wouldn’t speak to her for over a year after she went to treatment. She worked her spiritual program of action, they’ve reconciled, and she just went to parents’ weekend for her college freshman.
I know a woman from the rooms who after getting sober found out she was pregnant. This weekend I’ll go to her daughter’s first birthday party. She is still sober and working at the treatment center she graduated from.
I know a woman from the rooms who was sexually assaulted and has shared her story to help other women.
I know a woman from the rooms who terminated a pregnancy and has shared her story to help other women.
I know lots of women from the rooms who help other women. Help other women feel seen, heard, understood, and empowered.
The fellowship of any recovery program is wonderful, the fellowship of women is exceptional. I wouldn’t have been sober for the last 2,853 days without the group of women who welcomed me in. For my first couple of months of this journey, I did just about everything wrong- except I didn’t drink. I sat by the door. I refused to look people in the eye. I left meetings early. I never spoke. But I kept coming back and listening and finally my exterior softened. The exhaustion of how I’d been living propelled me to this group of people who had somehow found a way out of that same exhaustion. It’s proven to be a path with good company and mostly bad coffee. People who can laugh about their crazy past, which I couldn’t always do. Women shared their phone numbers and invited me to recovery picnics at the lake.
Recovery is tough. Because, well, it is sort of like remaking your life from the inside out. My life situation has changed so much since I got sober. I ended up leaving my job, which was such a big part of my identity. There has been speculation as to whether I was fired or whether I quit; the truth is, in the end when an addict leaves a job it was kind of the same thing anyway. I stayed in grad school and finished my masters. In an incredible twist of fate, I was accepted into a PhD program. Which is actually incredible (not inevitable) because I’m not a great student, I have a weird writing style, I struggle with deadlines and discipline. But I’m trudging along. It’s only by the grace of God and incredible people who have been put in my life to support me, encourage me, and believe in me that I’ve made it this far.
I spend time with people I like. The CRC was a big part of this for me. Some of my best friends are from this place. I still have dinner parties and play dominoes and celebrate birthdays with this squad. People- individual people- matter to me more than ever. But “people” as in what people think- the nameless, faceless opinions mean less than ever.
That freedom is astounding! I learned that what other people think about you means nothing in comparison to what you believe about yourself.
When I got to the rooms of recovery, I was swirling in pain and confusion and it would legitimately anger me when people said they were “a grateful recovering alcoholic” or grateful for their alcoholism. It felt inauthentic and creepy and I hated it. I swore to myself that even if I stayed sober, even if the pain went away, even if I was happy again- I would never ever be thankful for this. And then today as I was reflecting, and writing this post, and looking at old gratitude lists I felt right back there and I could see how far I’ve traveled in the nearly 8 years I’ve been sober. I realized obviously- that I’m different. And not only different- but better. And not only better but thankful. Thankful to all of the folks who have shown me that I can be a grateful, sober, alcoholic, woman today.
-Anonymous Collegiate Recovery Program Alumna
ARHE is grateful to those who wish to share their experiences through our blog. The views and opinions expressed in this blog post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of ARHE.